I am currently contemplating hauling my happy (sarcasm) ass to Pennsylvania to campaign for Hillary. Not because I think she’s an awesome candidate. I was an adamant Bernie supporter in the primaries. I’m not thinking about campaigning for her because I think she’s going to do anything good on my core issue: campaign finance reform. I don’t believe she’s going to do anything about ending the planet destroying practice of fracking. I don’t believe she’s ever going to stand up against a shitty trade deal. I don’t believe that she’s going to do a number of different things that are important to me because she’s simply not as liberal as I am, and because she’s being paid by corporations whose interests will always come before mine.
I do believe that she will do some things to not completely fuck me over, like nominating Supreme Court Justices like Sonya Sotomayor who will stand up for my civil rights. I do believe that she’s going to so something good on the issue of the minimum wage. Will she fight as hard as I want her to, or go as far as I would like? No, but it’s going to be better than the big fat nothing that Trump will do on this issue.
I’m thinking about campaigning for Hillary in order to save the republic from the absolute fucking disaster that is Donald Trump, and frankly, I resent having been put in this position so I have something to say to people who voted for Hillary in the primaries: It’s time for you all to get off your asses and clean up your mess. You voted for her, despite the fact that not some, not most, but all the polls clearly told you that Bernie was going to be a much stronger candidate against Trump that Hillary is. You ignored me when I told you that putting a corporatist up against a populist was a very bad idea. You all kept saying stupid things like, “he hasn’t really been tested yet and his poll numbers will go down once he is”. Right, cause Hillary wasn’t really trying to win the primary and didn’t bother with all that pesky opposition research. She deployed an army of paid trolls to pollute the internet with nonsense like accusing the most liberal part of the electorate of being misogynistic “Bernie Bros.” She colluded with the DNC to get every advantage she could, but she didn’t look for any dirt on her opponent. Right. You kept saying that “it will be fine, she will kick Trump’s ass.” Well guess what? She’s not, and now it’s time for you do everything you can to fix this shit show you helped to put on for us.
If you live within 500 miles of a swing state, it’s time for you to get into your cars, put on your most comfortable shoes, and spend every weekend between now and November 8th convincing as many people as you can that of all the bullshit you all slung about Hillary’s fabulousness in the primaries is actually true. Up and at em. If you have the means to take a vacation, you need to invest that vacation money into flying to a swing state to campaign. I’m sorry, but you guys need to put your backs into this election to make sure that your fabulous candidate can beat the two bit grifter she’s basically tied with right now.
If you can’t afford to get yourselves to a swing state, no problem: you can sign up to phone bank from the comfort of your living rooms. You should all plan on making a hundred calls a day on every Saturday and Sunday between now and the election.
It’s time for you to proactively tell those sweet little lies you told yourself during the primaries, to swing state voters. You broke it, it’s time for you to buy it. We have a serious lack of enthusiasm on the democratic side. You need to stop assuming that everything is going to be fine, and start proactively working toward making sure it’s going to be fine. Ohio and Florida are not looking good for Hillary right now. Pennsylvania, who hasn’t voted for a republican since 1988 is too close to get comfortable with.
Hillary is in trouble here, and it’s time for her supporters to stop with the denial and start working hard to get her elected. If you gave her your vote in the primaries, it’s time to give her your weekends until the election. Don’t want to admit that you may have made a giant mistake? No problem, I understand that admitting mistakes is hard. Tell yourselves that it’s time to spread the word about how fabulous you’ve always known she is. Spend your time telling people in swing states how right you’ve been all along.
I don’t care what you tell yourselves. I need you to spring into action. I get calls almost every day from friends who need to be reassured that Trump isn’t going to win. You need to do your part to mitigate the anxiety that many of us are experiencing.
If I can take time out of my life to make sure that Hillary is elected, then you should be able to do that too. Finish what you fucking started. More importantly, you need to spend at least as much time on this as I am, so as to lower my level of resentment toward you.
Let us not forget that my level of bitchiness should be one of your primary concerns. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. Up and at em. We need to save the republic now.