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Speaker Boehner, Darrell Issa, And Obama’s 2nd Term

These things are intertwined in a significant way beyond just causing some Americans grief. I am finally ready to accept that republicans are going to take the house on Tuesday. Their strategy of demonizing Obama has worked in getting their whack job base of 25% of Americans fired up to vote. Their strategy of stalling every fucking piece of legislation that could hasten our recovery has succeeded in making independents apathetic. And Obama’s lack of courage has succeeded in demoralizing his base. The two ugliest words in the English language “Speaker Boehner”, are about to become a reality. And yes, I did just vomit in my mouth a little as I typed that.

I believe that this victory is going to set off a chain of events that will virtually guarantee that Obama secures a second term.

The first thing that will happen is that republicans will finally share the blame for anything that happens (or doesn’t) over the next two years. They can keep killing job creation programs, but they will take some of the blame for the lack of jobs.

The next thing that will happen is that republicans are going to start a procedural witch hunt against Obama. Congressman Darrell Issa, a republican back bencher from southern California is the ranking member of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. He has promised us that he will subpoena the shit out of the administration in an effort to crucify them.

A little background on Darrell Issa; he’s not a back bencher by design. He’s a back bencher because he’s an incompetent joker. Seriously, follow his tweets – they’re comical. He’s the guy that orchestrated the recall of Governor Gray Davis in 2003. His plan was to swoop in and steal the Governorship of California for himself. But moron didn’t count on the Terminator coming in and trumping Issa’s fortune with fame. So Issa has been a back bench sitting schmuck that has been trying (unsuccessfully) to force himself in the game for years. I don’t believe that he’s fundamentally a whack job, but he’s been playing it up for the crazies for the past few years. He didn’t even bother to try and put together a run for governor this year, so he has to, on some level, know that he’s never going to get further than where he is right now.

Darrell Issa is an attention starved political hack who will most definitely deliver on his promise to subpoena the shit out of Obama, just to grab some attention for himself and try and elevate himself in his party. And as with everything Darell Issa touches, this will turn to shit for the republicans.

Right now, most Americans don’t know why the unemployment rate is high. They’re clueless about the republican strategy to stall and block every goddamned thing on Obama’s agenda. All they know is that the economy isn’t getting better. Issa’s strategy will shine a light on what’s going on in our political system because nothing gets people’s attention like presidential subpoenas.

You wanna know what else is going to happen? Americans are going to rally behind Obama, because no one likes a bully. That’s not an opinion. We have historical precedent from the Clinton years. During the impeachment proceedings, Bill Clinton’s approval jumped ten points to 73%, the highest approval rating of his presidency.

Read me now and quote me later; a congressional witch hunt of President Obama will make him one of the most wildly popular presidents in history.

Why am I so confident? I have two reasons; Obama is generally very likable as a person and, he hasn’t actually done anything offensive. Because he has an easy going and friendly demeanor, people want to like him. He’s just a naturally charismatic person. He would have to do something pretty offensive in order to reverse peoples natural predisposition to liking him. He hasn’t done that, and he won’t because he’s so measured and cautious. At worst, Obama is utterly ineffective. He’s nowhere near offensive. Sure, he hasn’t made a whole lot of things happen that he could have, but he also hasn’t precipitated our problems. He’s just kind of weak.

Polls consistently show that Americans still blame W for our current troubles. This is not going to change. It definitely won’t change if Americans have to watch him being bullied by congressional republicans.

Right now, the biggest threat to Obama’s reelection is Mike Bloomberg. He’s going to run as a third party candidate. My bet is that Bloomberg will claim more votes than any other third party candidate ever has. He’s going to blow Ross Perot’s 18.9% of the vote out of the water. I believe that he will get a significant chunk of the independent vote, as well as siphoning off both republican and democratic voters. I’m pretty sure that he will take more democrats than republicans, given his recent stance on gay marriage.

But when the bullying factor is taken into account, I believe that democrats and independents will rally around Obama, ineffective or not.

This strategy that republicans have employed for the past two years is going to explode in their faces in 2012. And they’re too stupid to realize it.

They have bullies for sixteen long years now. During that time, they’ve whittled their supporters down further and further. The remaining 25% of diehards will be all they have left soon enough.

The sunny optimist in me hopes that becoming a regional southern party will eventually force republicans to change their strategy, and actually try to govern. I know, I know…I’m living in a fantasy world.

On a positive note, we definitely won’t be living with the second most ugly words in the English language, “Majority Leader McConnell”. Republicans will not be taking the senate. There really is a bright spot in every black cloud, if you just look hard enough!

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Obama MUST Get A Blow Job

In order to save America. It’s his patriotic duty. We wouldn’t be suffering through any of this race baiting if our president would just get an extracurricular sex life.

Most liberals believe that Obama is reviled by the right because he’s black. I completely disagree. He’s reviled by the right because he’s a democrat. It seems like we’ve all collectively forgotten the Clinton years. They were a series of one batshit crazy accusation after another being hurled at both Clintons.

Let me refresh your memories:

Whitewater – Where Ken Starr spent 74 million tax payer dollars to find nothing (except Monica)

Vince Foster – Who, despite his suicide note was obviously murdered by the Clintons or their operatives ( I was never clear on which)

Postagegate – When republicans investigated whether Bill Clinton used tax payer funded stamps to respond to children that wrote the white house about Sox, the cat

Chinagate – Bill Clinton was accused of selling military secrets to China (yes, really)

Wag the doggate – Remember “NO WAR FOR MONICA!”? This was when Clinton bombed Afghanistan in an effort to get Bin Laden order to divert our attention from Monica

Buddhist Templegate (I’m not kidding) – When the Clintons and Al Gore used Buddhist monks to launder money to the DNC

I can go on and on until you go blind from staring at your computer monitor, but you get the point. The attacks against the Clinton were absurd and unrelenting.

Is Obama being attacked more than Clinton was? I honestly don’t think so.

More importantly, I don’t believe that the “masterminds” behind the attacks on Obama are necessarily racist. I think they’re profoundly lazy, or wiped out by the creativity they had to display during the Clinton years (seriously, Buddhist monkgate??). Stirring up racial tension is just the easiest and most obvious way for them to get people to hate Obama.

We learned in the Clinton years, that these guys don’t care what they have to say, who they hurt along the way, or how hypocritical they have to be in order to meet their objective of taking power.  Remember how sanctimonious Newt was about his disgust with Clinton over the Lewinsky affair? He was both outraged and pious in 1998, while he was banging his own staffer, while his wife was undergoing chemotherapy for cancer. He actually served his wife with divorce papers while she was in the hospital! But don’t feel too sorry for her, she was his mistress before she became his wife. I encourage you to google Marion Gingrich. What she has to say about Newt is nothing but fun!

No, the treatment Obama is getting isn’t a black thing. It may be a little bit a black thing, but it’s mostly a “getting power back” thing. And they don’t give a shit about what kind of collateral damage they create along the way. All of this anti-Muslim crap that the right wing is creating is purely about getting Obama.

A few Muslims getting killed or hurt along the way is meaningless as long as they can convince Americans that Muslins are bad, and that Obama is a Muslim. They have to make shit up because he hasn’t given them any ammo.

Which brings me to his duty to get a blow job. The insane accusations against Bill Clinton stopped when the right wing finally found Monica. There was no reason to make shit up after our president (hide your children!!!) GOT BLOWN!

If past is prologue, then the right wing will stop their nonsensical attacks when Obama finally gives them something to work with. Which is why I have concluded that Obama must have extramarital sex in order to restore race relations in America.

I don’t think I’m asking too much here. I didn’t get a decent health reform bill, I got DICK for financial reform, all indications show that Obama is about to piss all over social security. I think that a blow job in the name of peace is a perfectly reasonable request.

If you really think about it, a sex scandal would solve two problems simultaneously. He could get caught, and then seek marital counseling from his christian pastor. America could watch Obama walking into a christian church five or six times a week! The Muslim allegations would be laid (so to speak) to rest once and for all and we could all go back to coexisting peacefully.

And look, we don’t even really need for Obama to play along. I say to patriotic women in America, join together in accusing our president of having an affair with you! Seriously, if enough of us come out with these accusations, we’re bound to keep Fox news mired in Obama sex stories for months. This will take the heat off the Muslims.

Sorry Michelle, but you’re going to have to suck it up. America needs another presidential blow job!

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