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You Got Roved, Karl

I’ve never been of the belief that Karl Rove was a genius. I’ve always held the opinion that he was just inconceivably sleazy, on a level that no one could see coming. My opinions have all been upheld this week.

Before I get into the events of the past week, I want to go into how my opinion of Karl Rove as a sleazebag with average intelligence came to be. Karl Rove isn’t a brilliant strategist. He’s a street fighter. A strategist comes up with solutions and long term plans. Karl Rove has historically created chaos to remedy problems. He’s never actually created a strategy, beyond deflecting the problem in front of him at that moment, with no regard to long term consequences.

One of my favorite examples of Rove’s sleaziness goes back to when W was running for Governor of Texas. A few days before the election, Rove called the media to let them know that a bug was found at campaign headquarters. The media showed up in time to watch the FBI remove a bug from the Bush for Governor offices. This, naturally led voters to the assumption that Ann Richard’s (the wildly popular incumbent Governor) campaign had planted the bug. This swung the election in W’s favor. A few weeks after the election, the FBI issued a report that said that the battery on that bug had been depleted by 15 minutes at the time that they seized it. So in 15 minutes time, this bug was planted, discovered, and the media and the FBI got wind of it? Nice work, Karl. But was that genius, or the kind of sleaze that no rational person could have been prepared for?

Remember when Dan Rather was fired from CBS over his reporting on Bush’s questionable military service? I honestly don’t know how CBS missed the fact that the memo they had was a forgery. That was definitely their fuck up. What no one seemed to talk about, was the fact that the week after the story aired, they interviewed the secretary that typed the original memo. She said that the fake memo was identical to the one she had typed for her boss, Lieutenant Colonel Jerry Killian. How would that be possible, unless the forger had the original memos? That had Karl Rove’s fingerprints all over it. Okay, I’ll have him a little credit for genius on that one, but it was still 90% sleaze and 10% genius.

Now onto the events of the week. I’m sure you guys all heard the clips of Karl Rove referring to Christine O’Donnell as a nut, and pointing out that she is unelectable. Here it is, in case you missed it:


I especially love the part fifty seconds in, where Rove takes exception to O’Donnell baselessly lying about her opponents’ sexuality. Really Karl, you’re opposed to pulling any shit you can out of your ass in order to win? Since when?

But did you watch him bow his head to the very nutbags he created, after he got spanked by Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity?

Here’s Michelle “anchor baby” Malkin putting Rove on the sidewalk like yesterday’s trash:


Oh and here’s dumb little Sarah Barracuda pointing out that Karl Rove is an irrelevant relic. Just another part of the “machine” that she and her “real patriots” are fighting:


I like how she’s basically patting him on the head like a child, while telling him to go outside and play.

And here’s the nubbag herself, laughing at the mention of Karl Rove’s name:


How does it feel Karl, to be dressed down by an illiterate whack job? She thinks that un-factual is a word Karl. She used hillbilly English to mock you. Do you feel like an asshole yet?

An illiterate whack job that you empowered. Your brilliant “strategy” for creating a (HA!) permanent republican majority has brought you to this place where you’re being marginalized by the dumbest among us. You’re being Roved by the people that you assumed were puppets in your “brilliant” strategy to harness the wingnuts because you couldn’t win any other way.

Now watch him grab his ankles, after having been spanked:


They’re laughing at you, Karl. You coaxed them out of the shadows, and now they’re mocking you. Karma is a bitch, and you were an idiot if you didn’t see this happening.

Your legacy isn’t going to be one of a brilliant strategist. You were a one trick pony, whose only tactic was to anger, and then harness the anger of the least informed among us.

Few things make me as happy as watching you get what you deserve. Seriously, I’m almost orgasmic with joy when I watch you being mocked by the Frankensteins you created. And thank god for that, because when Christine O’Donnell outlaws masturbation, I will still have an alternate means with which to achieve my goal.


Small Government, My Ass!

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the new Arizona immigration law by now. You know, the law that requires roughly three million US citizens of Hispanic decent living in Arizona to keep their proof of residency or citizenship with them at all times. I’m sure that everyone is aware that this law was passed by republicans in the Arizona legislature and signed into law by the republican Governor of Arizona.

What you may not know, is that ten other states with republican legislatures are considering passing very similar “show your papers” laws.

Republican legislatures in Oklahoma just passed a charming abortion law. It’s charming in that, a doctor can no longer be held liable for NOT telling a pregnant woman that her fetus has debilitating birth defects. You read that correctly, a doctor in Oklahoma is not required to tell an expectant woman that her fetus will be born with a condition that ensures that the child will never live a life without constant care. So when a doctor tells a woman that everything is perfect with her pregnancy, she really has no reason NOT to spend the next 8 months wondering if her baby is going to be healthy. But don’t worry, there’s no reason to believe that stress is detrimental to a pregnant woman or her fetus.

I haven’t gotten to the disgusting part of this new law yet so brace yourselves. A woman that wants to get an abortion in Oklahoma is now required to have a vaginal ultrasound, during which the doctor is required to describe the heart, limbs, and organs of the fetus to the woman. And if you’re wondering NO, there are no provisions to exempt victims of rape or incest from this requirement. As Randi Rhodes put it, why stop there? Why not require that giant balloons that read “it’s a boy!” be in the room? Why not have the baby shower during the procedure? The nurse can read from a book of baby names, it will be fabulous!

I guess that the reasoning here is that if a woman wants an abortion, it’s obvious that she hasn’t thought it through. A vaginal ultrasound wherein the doctor describes the fetus to the pregnant woman will help her to make a sound, intellectual decision, based on what would be in the best interest of her and the child.

I have to wonder what’s next? Will we restrict freedom of religion? You can choose to be Jewish or Muslim, but only after having spent a year at a Catholic seminary.

All of this is brought to you by the party of small government. Why do we still buy into this charade that republicans stand for small government? The party that brought us warrantless wiretapping and electronic surveillance on anyone they choose, stands for small government?

Let me ask you a question. Which of these scenarios feels like big government to you;

Government regulators preventing big banks from trading derivatives with money they don’t have


A camera forced into your vagina?

How about having to produce a birth certificate to a police officer while going to get money out of an ATM? Does that feel like big government?

The paradox that keeps being thrown at us about what our political parties are must stop! It’s complete bullshit, and we need to stop letting people get away with it.

Republicans aren’t against big government in any way that serves the American people well.

I don’t know what the fuck democrats are for anymore, but I do know that they have never advocated for shoving a camera in my vagina, while creating a scene that should be in a Freddy Kreuger movie. And they’ve never insisted that I produce my passport, just because an illegal immigrant is working for pennies in order to increase the profits of their contributors.

When you join a party that habitually takes rights away from its citizens based on their morality, it won’t be long before they come for you.

Marco Rubio is starting to figure this out. He recently came out (meekly, but still) against the Arizona immigration bill. Why? Because his parents are Cuban immigrants. In Rubio’s defense, he did the right thing on this issue. He could have gone the Michelle Malkin route. Little background on Michelle – her name isn’t Michelle. It’s nee Maglalang. She was born as what she would affectionately refer to, as an anchor baby. Her parents came her on work training Visas while her mother was pregnant. So while she is a natural born citizen, her parents were not. This means that Duncan Hunter would have her deported if he had his way. She has spent her entire career railing against immigrants. She obviously hates herself, and her parents for doing what they had to do to give her a better life. I suppose we should take comfort in knowing that Marco Rubio could be much more loathsome than he is. He does manage to do the right thing when it hits close enough to home. Now he’s being attacked by some, for not being hateful and ignorant enough.

I refuse to ever let anyone tell me that republicans are the party of small government again. We need to stop letting them frame themselves this way.