Bart Stupak Is A Transgender Former Prostitute

I am becoming more and more convinced of this with each passing day.

Before you write me off as someone that is afflicted with Michelle Bachmanesque mental illness, hear me out.

Let me first throw in a caveat; I don’t know for a fact that he’s a transgender former prostitute. But I’m sure that you’ll have your suspicions after you’ve heard the basis for my hypothesis.

First, some background. Bart Stupak is feverishly trying to add legislation to the health reform bill that would effectively ban abortion in America. He claims that he’s just repeating the Hyde amendment, which prohibits the use of federal funds to pay for abortion. What his amendment actually does is force insurance companies to exclude abortion services from being covered under any plan being offered on the exchange. He wants to force insurance companies to create supplemental abortion coverage that women can buy independent of the insurance plans offered in the exchange.

This is bullshit on so many levels. First off, he’s telling insurance companies to create an exclusion that doesn’t currently exist. I know of no insurance plan currently in existence, that excludes abortion coverage. This is a standard procedure that is essential to reproductive health. So he’s asking the insurance companies to cover even less than they are covering now. Excellent! The solution to our health care crisis is to have insurance companies add more exclusions to their coverage. Let’s think about this for a second. If past is prologue, it’s safe to assume that insurance companies will move to a “supplemental” model for all of their coverage. Anything to save money, right? Why collect only one monthly premium from women (who already pay 48% more for their insurance coverage than men do), when you can collect two? The next issue here is the idea that any woman would purchase this type of supplemental coverage. Does this jackass really believe that women plan abortions well in advance of conception?

Okay, enough background. Let’s move on to my hypothesis. If you’ve been paying any attention to politics, you’ve noticed a pattern with politicians and issues that they’re fervently against. If they’re obsessively anti something, it usually turns out that they’re actively participating in the thing that they’re against. Let me explain by example.

David Vitter (senator – LA) has always claimed to be a christian conservative. He received a 100% score by the  christian coalition.

Being the good christian conservative that he is, David Vitter was caught in a scandal where it was revealed that he had been seeing hookers in at least 2 different states! He was a patron of the DC madam and of the Canal Street madam in Louisiana. Charming, right? Way to hold up those family values!

Then there was Bob Allen. He was in the Florida House of Representatives. Bob Allen had a 92% rating from the Christian Coalition of Florida. In March of 2001 he cosponsored a bill that would have enhanced penalties for “offenses involving unnatural and lascivious acts”. In that same year, he was one of 21 Florida legislators to Governor Bush’s friend-of-the-court brief supporting the state’s ban on gays adopting children.

In July of 2007, Bob Allen was arrested in a public park for solicitation. The person that he solicited was an undercover policeman. Yes, policeMAN. He offered the man $20 for the privilege of giving the man a blow job. I guess you have to give Bob Allen credit for being a giver. I wonder if that helped to increase his rating with the christian coalition? I should move on to my next example, but I just have to finish this story. It’s just too much fun! During his taped interview at the police station, Bob Allen said, “Listen. A public park. I got my name on the damn building. I’m not gonna do that. You know, maybe I said it in the wrong order, but this was a pretty stocky black guy, and there were a lot of other black guys around in the park, and, you know…”

Oh, I see. You’re not gay, you’re just a flaming racist. Well that’s much better. Does the christian coalition frown more heavily upon homosexuals than they do racists?

I can go on and on with many more examples, but I won’t. Are you starting to see where my hypothesis is going?

Bart Stupak’s obsession with abortion leads me to believe that he used to be a woman that had LOTS of abortions. There’s no other possible explanation for this. Seriously if past is prologue, we’re eventually going to find out that I’m right about this.

Still think I’m crazy?