So I got my first dose of vaccine last night. I have to say that this experience has run the gamut from abhorrent to elation. I thought I would share some thoughts.
First, let me say that I became eligible for the vaccine twelve days ago. I only spend eight days trying to land an appointment, so I’m aware that my experience is far better than it has been for many but it wasn’t good. The snow storms hit the country a few days before my eligibility date so I knew that vaccine shipments were definitely going to be delayed. That’s what I knew. What I felt was an urgency to get an appointment as soon as possible so for eight days, I had over a dozen tabs open in my browser dedicated to finding an appointment. I refreshed and answered qualifying questions fifty to sixty times a day in between work calls. It was frustrating, sometimes maddening, but it needed to be done.
I banded together with a group of friends to work together to get us all appointments. I wake up very early in the morning because I have a couple of very self centered cats who hold their breakfast in much higher regard than my sleep. They wake me up just before 5 am every day. I have a rule about getting off the computer and phone by 8 pm every day. I had read that this helps with sleep, and I really needed help sleeping through the pandemic. It works, by the way. The sooner you unplug, the sooner your mind starts to wind down. So I took the 5 am shift for searching for appointments. Between us, we had 5 am to midnight covered. About 10 minutes after my last refresh, I got a text from one of my vaccine hunter partners letting me know that her husband’s boyfriend (it’s complicated) had just landed an appointment in Queens. I immediately refreshed on a site that aggregates most of the state run sites (it’s turbovax.com if you’re in NY and need help). For the first time in 8 days, there were appointments. Lots of appointments in eight or nine locations. I immediately got to work and used the muscle memory I had built up at that point to quickly fill out the form and secure the appointment for myself. My friend snagged an appointment for another friend who has three very serious comorbidities, and who couldn’t get an appointment up to that point. Once I had secured my appointment, I got to work scheduling one for a friend. Our appointments were for three days later so we were all elated.
On the morning that we all got our appointments, I read a story in the Times about a woman who was trying to help her 87 year old mother get an appointment with no luck. Her mother isn’t computer or smart phone savvy, and the daughter isn’t lucky enough to have a work-from-home job. I had been reading stories like that one on almost a daily basis so I was acutely aware of my privilege every single time I refreshed a tab. But what was I going to do? Not use every tool in my toolbox to secure an appointment? That’s clearly not a rational option for anyone, I don’t care how aware you are of the magnitude of fuckery in this Hunger Games system we have set up in the richest country in the world. Getting COVID was not likely to turn out well for me so getting vaccinated was my top priority.
I spoke with a friend of mine in Northern California on the day that I secured my appointment. He’s a 62 year old cancer survivor who is currently taking immunosuppressants for arthritis. He wasn’t able to get an appointment. He has a friend who heard that if you show up to a big vaccination center in Santa Rosa at 8 am, you can put your name on a waitlist to get any left over doses. His friend got vaccinated on the second day he went. My friend went the next morning and got his vaccine on the spot. We talked about the guilt that comes with getting vaccinated right now. We talked about how it feels to take a shot away from a poor elderly person in bad health. But again, not doing everything you can to secure a vaccine is not an option. This process should not include a combination of elation and guilt.
After I got my appointment, I started thinking of ways that I can organize to help disadvantaged people get their vaccines. I spoke with a couple of older people on my block who haven’t been able to get vaccinated, and I got the information that I need to work on booking appointments for them but I want to do more. I’m still trying to figure out how to approach this. Getting tech savvy volunteers to perpetually refresh their browsers is not a hurdle. I can use social media for that. Getting to the people who need help is the tricky part. When I was waiting in line for my vaccine last night, I heard that NYCHA (New York City Housing Authority) was going to start sending mobile vaccination units to low income housing units as soon as the J&J vaccine arrives. I might try and help out with that. I’m not sure, but I will figure something out because I need to deal with the guilt.
Now on to the happy part (mostly) of my story. I arrived at 4:50 for my 5:10 vaccine appointment. When I got there, I discovered that the line went down the block, around the corner, and down 2 more blocks. I wasn’t surprised because I had just experienced the most healthcare that I’d ever consumed so far. I had a horrifying night in the ER, another night in the hospital, and a subsequent surgery. Everything is fine now, and it was (in the grand scheme of things) a minor medical emergency but seeing our healthcare system up close and personal is eye opening, even if you’re intellectually aware of the issues. I digress. A few people in line were shocked at the length of the line. They envisioned walking and getting their shot at the time that their appointments were scheduled. I knew better so I was prepared for a long wait. Anyway, I made some friends over the course of the nearly two hours that we waited in line.
We came to learn that a large shipment of the Moderna vaccine that had been delayed due to the storm had dropped unexpectedly, which is why all of those appointments had opened up in several locations that were not vaccine hubs. Because we weren’t at a big hub location, they didn’t really have the system down enough to get people in and out quickly. But we got our shots and in the end, that’s all that mattered.
So we got our shots and moved to another waiting room where our second appointments were going to be scheduled. There was high fiving and elation in that room. A year’s worth of stress and fear had finally been released (at least a little bit). It was really an environment of unmitigated joy. For a few minutes I and all of my new friends let go of the guilt and allowed ourselves to be happy.
Except for that last part, this isn’t how things should be. Obviously, we weren’t going to get 7.5 billion doses of vaccinations over night so the rollout was going to be slower than anyone would like but this system of fucking the already fucked that we have here in America is super fucked. Germany, France, and Italy were out of vaccines for several days (sometimes a whole week) at a time but they’re distributing much more equitably than we are. I actually just read a story about how Germany has a huge surplus of Astra Zeneca because people are missing their appointments and holding out for Pfizer. Those people would be morons. You get whatever vaccine you can get, as soon as you can get it. The fewer hosts this virus has, the fewer opportunities it has to mutate. Even with the supply shortages, poor people aren’t getting extra fucked in Germany and the middle class feel so comfortable with the German healthcare and distribution systems, that they’re getting picky. All of my friends in Europe say that people are being contacted for appointments. No one is playing the Hunger Games there.
Personally, I’ve concluded that Astra Zeneca and J&J are the two best options to create the kind of t cell response that will produce long term immunity but I gladly got my Moderna shot last night because none of us can see the future and it’s important to get vaccinated as soon as possible.
So my point here was to share my experience and to tell you that if you’re experiencing guilt and frustration, you’re not alone. Get your appointment as soon as you can. Follow up on tips, go to mega vaccine centers and see if you can snag any surplus shots. Do anything you can to get that needle in your arm. Get your shot! If you can, help someone who doesn’t have the resources you have to get theirs. This might make the Hunger Games a little more palatable for you.
