Mitt Romney

The New Normal

October 31, 2012 by Bitchy

As most of you know, I live in Manhattan so I’ve been living Hurricane Sandy for four days now. Not surprisingly, the whole thing has elevated my already active bitchy tendencies. I’ve been watching wet reporters feeding me bullshit about homes burning down, roller coasters falling into the ocean, cars floating down Church Street, basically everything but what they should be talking about; climate change.

This is the second year in a row, when a hurricane has become a problem that the North East has to deal with. And everyone seems to be acting like this is normal. It’s not fucking normal! These giant, 550 mile wide storms working their way up the east coast are not normal. Well, they didn’t used to be. They’re the “new” normal. YAY for me!

And while I’m embracing the new normal, I’m having to endure an election year where for the first time in thirty years, neither presidential candidate was asked a single question about climate change in any of the debates. Are we really pretending like this isn’t fucking happening?

Apparently we are. That shit needs to stop. We need to be talking about climate change all the time. I don’t know why liberals and democrats have given up on it, but let me tell you that it hasn’t given up on us. Actually, I do know why we’re not talking about it; because our liberal bastion of a democratic president isn’t talking about it. We need to make him talk about it.

But as long as we’re going to ignore climate change, I need to set some ground rules;

There will be absolutely no talk about cutting the budget for FEMA. Obama wants to cut funding to FEMA by 3%, Romney wants to privatize it completely, which to me means that Obama must be bitch slapped (yes, I’m volunteering) and Romney needs to be put down. Future conversations regarding budgeting for FEMA must echo the conversations about defense spending. Since we’re going to ignore climate change, we must embrace the idea that FEMA is the biggest growth area in our economy and budget accordingly.

There will be no insane winger rhetoric about the privatization of emergency services. This is crazy bullshit that can be dismantled with a little recent history. Trent Lott, the douchebag republican senator from Mississippi, learned how well the private sector works for people after Katrina. He had to sue State Farm because they refused to pay for the damage to his home. Ever heard of FEMA insurance? It’s government funded homeowners insurance that exists because the private sector doesn’t want to deal with you, if they think they will have to pay out a high dollar claim. So if you live in Florida or Texas, you have some of that socialist FEMA hurricane insurance because State Farm would rather you go fuck yourself, than submit a claim for hurricane damage to your house. I’m guessing that we’re going to start seeing FEMA hurricane coverage here in New York because of the new normal and all.

There will be no talk of cutting the budget for any technology that will help us detect hurricanes before they fuck me. Does anybody have any idea how fucked New York City would be right now if the subway system hadn’t been shut down before the hurricane hit? Or how fucked our electrical grid would be if the power company didn’t know to shut parts of the grid down preemptively? No, early detection is not something we can do without. NOAA and NASA get as many goodies as they need to keep a Metro North train from blowing off the track and landing on top of my house.

I hope I’ve been clear on my rules on how to proceed in this climate science era we seem to be living in. You may now proceed to laugh any politician that doesn’t adhere to my rules, out of the room.

Too Honest

September 24, 2012 by Bitchy

I’ve had a week to mull over Mitt Romney’s now infamous 47% tape, and my final conclusion is that Romney is too honest a republican. Nothing he said in that tape in regard to “poor” people (he was actually talking about the middle class) is any great departure from his party, either in rhetoric or in action. He didn’t make up that 47% figure.

He just repeated something that has been floating around in republican ideology for decades now. The 47% is the GOPs go-to demonization group when they don’t have Muslims, Russians (Romney is still clinging on to them as a threat), gays, or minorities to fall back on. You probably all know by now, that the 47% number that republicans like to toss around isn’t really accurate. It includes retirees, who don’t pay taxes on their social security checks (which represent the taxes they paid their whole lives), veterans deployed in combat zones, students, and the disabled.

It also includes the working poor. This is a particularly interesting group, with regard to the republican rhetoric. You see, the working poor don’t pay federal income taxes (they do pay sales taxes, gas taxes, payroll taxes, and state income taxes) because they get a deduction called the “earned income tax credit”(or EITC). The EITC in combination with the Child Tax Credit usually wipes out their federal tax burden. Where did these tax credits come from? Republicans. Milton Friedman (yes, that Milton Friedman) cooked up the EITC deduction. It was passed in 1975 under a democratically controlled congress, and signed into law by Gerald Ford. The idea behind the EITC was that if working people didn’t make very much money, minimizing their tax burdens would keep them working, and therefor off any public assistance programs. Makes sense, right? It made sense to Ronald Reagan. He was a big fan of the EITC.

Shouldn’t all republicans, past and present support this? It’s a tax credit. I thought they were all for people paying less taxes? What the fuck is the problem? Shouldn’t the GOP look upon these people as being American heroes for finding the taxless utopia they say they want? And why is it that modern republicans refer to Mitt Romney as a financial genius when he writes off $77,000 a year to maintain a fucking dancing horse, in order to minimize his tax burden, but a married couple with two kids making $30,000 a year can’t take a $3,363 EITC deduction without being freeloaders? Why is there such disdain for one class of people taking a relatively minute tax write off, when there’s nothing but praise for another class taking much more robust deductions?

The answer is obvious; the middle class and the working poor don’t have lobbyists, and therefore aren’t real people. They’re abstractions that don’t get any consideration at all. So much so, that republicans can’t even see that this class of people are doing what the GOP platform is based on; not paying taxes. Republicans have worked themselves up so much in their demonization, that they are no longer capable of consistency.

To them, Mitt Romney didn’t say anything wrong in that speech. He just got caught telling the truth. No one has talked about this, but did you hear any booing or jeers on that tape? I didn’t. I heard laughter when Romney said that he would have a better shot at getting elected if he were Mexican. Really , Mitt? Your father would have been the CEO of a major car company in the 50s if he were Mexican? He would have been elected to be the Governor of Michigan if he were Mexican? He would have been able to send you to Harvard and given you millions of dollars of seed money to start Bain Capital if he were Mexican?

These people have spun themselves into an inexplicable state of victimhood by putting themselves up on pedestals from which to look down on everyone outside of their class. They really believe that they are the anointed ones, being preyed upon by the rest of us. They’re entitled to $77,000 a year for dancing horses, while being galled by the idea of anyone taking $3,363 a year to feed themselves.

These people aren’t rational anymore. They see themselves as both anointed and victims simultaneously. What’s worse, they have absolved themselves of any civil responsibility. They are the elite puppet masters that make the world go round, and yet they bare no responsibility for fixing the country’s problems because problems they don’t have aren’t legitimate problems. Poor people are poor because they are lazy, and therefor not a problem. Rape victims that get pregnant obviously weren’t raped, since their bodies allowed he pregnancy to happen. Poor kids that want to go to college should just borrow the tuition money from their parents. Rising health insurance costs aren’t their problem because they don’t ever have to worry about being able to afford to buy health insurance.

The elite in that room don’t bother me nearly as much as the people that will vote for them. Romney was dead wrong when he said that “the 47%” won’t vote for him. An alarmingly large percentage of them will. Remember the tea party rallies full of senior citizens in medicare and social security? Remember how they were riding around on their fancy scooters that medicare paid for, while screaming about how they were being tread on? No, these are the real assholes among us. I can understand the 1% trying to protect their own self interest. I can’t understand the bottom 20% that go along with this crap, just so that they can elevate themselves in their own minds by punching down at the fictional people below them on the social totem poll.

Mitt Romney didn’t write off a constituency that the republican party cares about. He just made the mistake of saying that they’ve been written off out loud. He was too honest, and his crime was that he was careless enough to say out loud, what his party believes.

Voting Third Party

September 7, 2012 by Bitchy

I was going to write about the conventions today, but I decided to do something different. My impression of the conventions is pretty clearly spelled out on my Facebook page.

I received two questions this week alone, asking why I don’t write or comment more about third party candidates. I’m assuming these questions are rooted in recognizing that I’m not a partisan hack. I call bullshit anywhere that bullshit exists, without doing the “calling it even” crap that the main stream media does. It’s not even. One party is significantly more destructive to most Americans than the other is. Any true conservative or liberal would agree with that assessment. Real conservatives completely lost their party eleven years ago. Liberals are in the process of losing their party, as I write this.

So why don’t I talk about third party candidates? I have two main reasons. Let me start with the most insignificant, and easy to explain. I don’t like either of the two most popular third party candidates; Jill Stein and Gary Johnson. I like Gary Johnson as a person, but libertarianism is the single most childish ideology ever created by the human race. I don’t want to go on a long rant about libertarianism, so let me cut to the jugular right away. Unless you can provide an example of a single country or civilization in which libertarianism has successfully brought prosperity or growth, you’re basically advocating for the existence of unicorns. I’m not interested in your unicorn because I’m an adult. I like to form my opinions based on empirical evidence and historical precedent. On to Jill Stein. I just don’t like her, even though I agree with almost everything she says. I’ve heard a few interviews with her now, and I’ve concluded that she doesn’t listen. She’s the type of person that waits for her turn to speak, without absorbing or considering anything that is being said on the other side of the conversation. And her rebuttal to the point that voting for a third party is an exercise in futility is also childish. She thinks that even though she doesn’t have a snow balls chance in winning, that every vote for her (or any third party) diminishes any “mandate” that the victor will ultimately have. BULLSHIT. George W Bush barely got selected to be president in 2000. He didn’t have anything resembling a mandate and yet, he barreled through his presidency as if he were the imperial president.

This mandate thing is nonsense, because our representatives don’t give two shits about your opinion. I can give you a long list of examples, but let me briefly give you two. Afghanistan. We’re over it. Democrats are over it, and republicans are over it. Now that we killed Bin Laden, no one can make a cogent argument for why we’re still there. And yet our representatives, republican and democrat alike, won’t get us the fuck out because the defense companies that own them don’t want us out. My second example is social security. Three quarters of Americans (republicans and democrats combined) don’t want to see a single cut made to social security, ever. Most of those people don’t even understand that there’s an easy fix to the social security problem. If they did, that 3/4 number would go up. And yet, the vast majority of our legislators can’t fucking wait to make the “grand bargain”, which will result in significant cuts in benefits. Obama, Boehner, McConnell are all on the same page on this one. Instead of raising the cap on contributions into the fund, they want to raise the retirement age and cut benefits.

At this point you’re probably thinking that I’m making a great argument in favor of third party candidates. I’m not, and here’s where I turn it all around. Our politicians aren’t people. They’re tools. They don’t give a shit about your needs because they don’t work for you. They work for the interests that pour money into their coffers to get them elected. This is the fucked up system of governance that we must work within. We have a system in which the candidate with the most money wins their election 94% of the time. Think about that for a second. The person with the most money wins NINETY-FOUR PERCENT of the time. The ideas and the people running are irrelevant. Good guy/ bad guy, ideological purist/ pragmatist; none of that matters. The only thing that matters ninety four fucking percent of the time is the MONEY.

The irony is that I believe that a bigger percentage of third party voters know that statistic, than the rest of the population. That’s true of the third partiers I know, anyway. But when you know that fact, supporting third parties is even more inexplicable because you still have to believe that the better idea can win. That is not fucking possible, and the empirical evidence tells you that it’s not possible.

As long as we have to operate under this system, voting is an exercise in picking the less damaging, sell out candidate among the options available to you. That’s just a fact. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I don’t call myself bitchy for nothing. You need to grow the fuck up, and realize that there is no political nirvana to be had in this system.

We have to fix the goddamned system before we can expect anything good to come out of it. Voting for a third party candidate is like flicking water off your fingers at a wildfire, and expecting to extinguish that fire. It’s actually worse because what you think is water on your fingers, is actually little tiny droplets of gasoline. The interests that control our government fucking love it when you vote third party because you’re practicing self voter suppression. You’re throwing your goddamned vote away and helping their guy win by checking out of the system. Voting third party is an exercise in futility, and it always will be.

I will be writing a lot about what we need to do to fix this monumentally fucked up election system of ours after the election, and as followers of this blog grow. It’s going to take a lot of proactive work, on the part of a lot of us. But right now, we have an election to deal with. And we have to have that election with the current system in place. We have to focus on minimizing the damage.

We can’t help to elect candidates that want to tear down our social safety nets as quickly as possible, and destroy our already pathetic education system in order to feed the corporate profits of their masters. In case you haven’t figured out yet, that would be 100% of republicans, and roughly 40% of democrats. I don’t care what a politician calls themselves. Whether they’re republican or democrat, you have to pick the one that will slow down that dismantling of our social contracts.

You have to do this until we change the system. I’m a sunny optimist. I believe that we can fix the system, and I have an idea of how to do it. But right now, we have to keep our eye on the prize and get through this election cycle.

I just don’t see how voting for a third party candidate is going to serve your best interest. I hope that answers your questions on this topic.

Ann Romney Fail

August 29, 2012 by Bitchy

I think that everybody understands that Ann Romney’s mission last night was to humanize Mitt. After she was done, I asked my Facebook fans if they felt she had accomplished that goal. Most of my admittedly biased fans didn’t think she did. Pundits seem to have mixed opinions, mostly guided by their party affiliation.

I thought she failed. I initially thought she failed based on stylistic mistakes. There was no subtlety in the speech itself. She seemed to me to be the unpopular geek in high school, begging you to like her by doing your homework for you. She used the word “love” fourteen fucking times, which just made the whole thing weird. I was irritated when she proclaimed, “I love you women!”. As opposed to “you people” who have all the tax returns you need from Mitt? The stuff about how she and Mitt met and fell in love was fine. She should have said more along those lines.

But the more I thought about her speech, the more I realized that the issues with it weren’t stylistic. The main issue was the fundamental premise of the speech. Here’s the part where she really fucked up:

I am the granddaughter of a Welsh coal miner who was determined that his kids get out of the mines. My dad got his first job when he was six years old, in a little village in Wales called Nantyffyllon, cleaning bottles at the Colliers Arms.

When he was 15, dad came to America. In our country, he saw hope and an opportunity to escape from poverty. He moved to a small town in the great state of Michigan. There, he started a business — one he built himself, by the way.

He raised a family. And he became mayor of our town.

My dad would often remind my brothers and me how fortunate we were to grow up in a place like America. He wanted us to have every opportunity that came with life in this country — and so he pushed us to be our best and give our all.

Inside the houses that lined the streets of our town, there were a lot of good fathers teaching their sons and daughters those same values. I didn’t know it at the time, but one of those dads was my future father-in-law, George Romney.

Mitt’s dad never graduated from college. Instead, he became a carpenter.

He worked hard, and he became the head of a car company, and then the governor of Michigan.

When Mitt and I met and fell in love, we were determined not to let anything stand in the way of our life together. I was an Episcopalian. He was a Mormon.

We were very young. Both still in college. There were many reasons to delay marriage, and you know? We just didn’t care. We got married and moved into a basement apartment. We walked to class together, shared the housekeeping, and ate a lot of pasta and tuna fish. Our desk was a door propped up on sawhorses. Our dining room table was a fold down ironing board in the kitchen. Those were very special days.

First of all, no one believes that you two were ever poor. And trying to make yourselves something that everyone knows you’re not just enforces the idea that you’re panderers. That was the most disingenuous and disgusting part of the speech. It was disgusting because of the premise upon which that pandering was done.

Their assumption is that Americans don’t like them because they’re rich. They’re dead wrong, and they’re insulting Americans by believing that about us. They really think that we’re a nation of envious assholes. Never mind the fact that no one ever hated Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Conrad Hilton, and hundreds of others for being rich.

Let me set the Romney’s straight; we don’t hate you for being rich. We hate you because it’s clear that you won’t do anything to help Americans that aren’t rich. We don’t hate you for what you are. We hate you for what we know you won’t do for the middle class. We hate that you’ve lived a life devoid of any empathy, or any attempt at understanding how average Americans live. We hate you for thinking that Americans should just borrow some money from from their parents to get an education, or start a business. We hate you for thinking that we’re assholes for not thinking of that obvious solution. We hate you for being on this earth for over sixty years, and not bothering to understand that this isn’t possible for the vast majority of Americans.

And now, Mitt and Ann we hate you for the disdain you have for us.

Motivating The Base

August 11, 2012 by Bitchy

This will be a short and sweet post on my analysis of Mitt Romney’s pick of Paul Ryan to be his VP running mate. The one sentence version is that I think that Mitt is trying to motivate “the base”, which he knows he doesn’t have. I believe that he has some internal polling that shows that a significant chunk of the base isn’t excited, and might not show up.

Why do I think this? Because Mitt Romney just kissed off most independents (and Catholic nuns). A moderate pick like Rob Portman, Tim Pawlenty, or even (yikes!) Chris Christie would have been a play for independents. A play that he would have made, if the base was already locked up.

Presidential nominees always make VP picks based on that that potential VP can bring to the electoral map. VPs are picked to fill the holes left by the nominee on that map. Paul Ryan is not going to turn Wisconsin red in November. So what’s the hole that Romney hopes Ryan will fill? It’s the base. Specifically, the base in Virginia and Ohio where Romney is losing badly.

This VP pick isn’t one that tells me that Romney is coming from a position of strength. It tells me that he’s trying to lock up voters that any other republican nominee would have locked up by now.

No-Doc President

August 10, 2012 by Bitchy

If there’s one thing that republicans, democrats, and independents can agree on, it’s that no-doc loans were a factor in the subprime mortgage collapse in 2008. We need to see documents that verify that what you say is the truth, right?

So why the fuck would anyone want to elect a no-doc president? If Mitt Romney is running on his business prowess, he needs to prove it by showing us his tax returns. He needs to show us his tax returns more than any presidential candidate in the last sixty years, because he’s running on his exceptional skills at running a business.

And to be honest with you, the more he doesn’t want to show his tax returns to me, the more I want to see them. I learned a lesson by seeing the part that no-doc loans played in the financial collapse. There’s no way in hell that I’m voting for a no-doc president.

And to the fucking children on the far right that demand to see Obama’s academic records, immunization records, driving test sores, and whatever else you’re demanding to see before Mitt releases his tax returns, let me say; grow the fuck up. The foundation of your “argument” is based on a childish tit-for-tat. Childishness aside, (I can’t believe this needs to be pointed out) no presidential candidate has ever been asked to provide their birth certificate, never mind their academic records. Every presidential candidate in the past seventy years has provided their tax returns. Mitt Romney does not get an exemption from that tradition.

And frankly, I don’t know why he would want one. He has the opportunity to crush Harry Reid once and for all. All Mitt has to do to prove that Reid is a liar and a buffoon, is to release his tax returns and disprove Reid’s claims once and for all.

If you’re not going to release your tax returns to crush your political enemy Mitt, do it because you know that the American people aren’t foolish enough to elect a no-doc president.

The Triple Mitt Flip

August 3, 2012 by Bitchy

I’m not even sure that I need to comment on this, other than to say that this all happened in a 24 hour period of time. Here are the events in chronological order;

Here’s what Mitt said about the Palestinian culture, while in Israel on Monday.

And here he is on Tuesday morning, denying what he said on Monday night;

But wait, he’s not done! Here’s what Mitt wrote a few hours after he denied saying what he said on Monday.

Here’s a great analysis from The Young Turks, on why Mitt is so willing to look like a complete jackass;

It appears as if Rafalca is not the only pet in the Romney clan, whose only purpose is to dance for an appreciative audience.

Does anyone honestly feel that this man would lead The United States into an era of peace and prosperity? Does anyone honestly have a fucking clue about what a Mitt Romney presidency would actually look like?

The UnAmerican President.

January 25, 2012 by Bitchy

If Mitt Romney ever managed to become president, any movie made about him should be called “The UnAmerican President”. I’m not being hyperbolic. I find Mitt Romney to be a deeply unpatriotic piece of crap that, as far as I can tell, has only ever leeched off of this country without giving back a god damned thing.

Let me start with his tax returns. I know that everyone is focused in on the 13.9% he paid in federal taxes, as well as the Cayman and Swiss bank accounts. These things are bad, but they’re not what stood out to me when I read the details about the returns. The 13.9% isn’t necessarily something that I’m upset with Mitt over. We have a fucked up tax code that rewards not working, and punishes working. When you have a tax structure in which capital gains are taxed at a lower rate than earned income, you have a society that says it doesn’t value hard work. In my opinion, nothing should be taxed at a lower rate than your paycheck. Not a god damned thing. Taxes on earned income should be the floor of taxation. Everything else should go up from there.

The Cayman Islands and Swiss bank accounts are things that I hold Mitt accountable for. It is not legal to put your money in an offshore bank account for the purpose of avoiding taxes that you owe on that money. That’s a scummy and unpatriotic thing to do and in Mitt’s case, it’s gratuitously greedy. Paying those taxes would have absolutely no impact on his quality of life. When you’re worth over $200 million dollars, losing even $10 million a year has zero impact on your life. It’s unnecessary greed. In Mitt’s case, it’s unnecessary greed on steroids. He’s been running for president for the past 5 years. He knows, from the 2008 campaign, that the perception of him as a self entitled rich fucker is his biggest liability. He had to assume that he wasn’t going to be able to avoid releasing tax returns forever. And yet this guy is so fucking greedy that he can’t suck it up and pay an extra 5% – 10% in taxes for a mere 5 years, in order to diffuse that perception. It’s irrational greed. You’re jeopardizing your chances of becoming leader of the free world over $20 – $30 million dollars that you won’t miss, don’t need, and probably aren’t even aware are there? What a fucking moron.

I agree that the absurdly low tax rate and the offshore bank accounts are newsworthy, but they’re not the most telling or relevant pieces of information that the tax returns revealed. The first thing that jumped out at me is that Mitt Romney gave more money to the LDS Church than he paid in federal income tax. He’s obviously got the money to give, and he’s willing to give it, but not to his country. Not to help pay for 2 wars that he supported. No, he’s happy to give it in order to propagate his religious beliefs. This isn’t the first time he put church before country. Remember that he never served in Vietnam because he was on his mission in France at the time.

Let me take a moment to rant about that. Why the fuck do we allow people to get out of mandatory service, so that they can instead prosthelytize their religion? What the fuck is that? Seriously, it’s bullshit. They’re not doing missionary work to help the poor or needy. They’re not out there helping widows or other people that are collateral damage in the war effort. No, they’re out there serving their own self interest by trying to convert others to their way of thinking. I think that’s a bullshit reason not to serve, and we shouldn’t allow it for any religion. Go preach on your own time. We’re fighting a fucking war.

Speaking of the Vietnam war, here’s a lovely picture of Mittens advocating for a war that he wasn’t willing to fight. Charming, no? Honestly, can this man be a bigger piece of shit?

I honestly feel like Mitt has nothing but take advantage of everything this country has to offer, while giving the bare minimum back to it.

And the sad thing is that he’s still not the most loathsome person running for president.

Obama Is The Luckiest Man In The World

January 22, 2012 by Bitchy

He’s got an uncomfortably low approval rating, decreasing support within his own base, an opposition party that wants to crush him like they’ve never wanted to crush another and yet, he’s virtually assured a second term in office. It almost feels like he’s won the lottery ten times in a row, by buying one single lottery every week.

His incredibly good fortune started when the republican party rolled out their clown car of potential opponents. Seriously, these people are just fucking embarrassing. They weren’t just bad candidates. They were among the dumbest, and most dishonest people in the country. We started with two morons that (mercifully), never ran; Sarah Palin with her IQ of lint, and Donald Trump who never met a company (or hairstyle) that he couldn’t bankrupt. Then we moved onto Michele Bachmann, whose own staffers said has no use for facts. Next up was Rick Perry, who I’m convinced has alzheimer’s or some other similar affliction (I’m not kidding). When he proved to be too dumb for anyone that isn’t a Texan, we were treated to Herman Cain who took almost as much pride in his ignorance (remember Uz Becky Becky Becky Becky Stan Stan Stan), as he had hubris in his perceived sexual appeal. And let’s not forget Rick Santorum who is all about small government, except that he literally wants government up your ass in order to make sure that nothing else gets up there. Because once you let something up your ass, you’re invariably going to want to fuck (and marry) your neighbor’s schnauzer. Come out of the closet already, Rick. You’re entirely too obsessed with the ass to pass for straight.

This brings us to Obama’s latest winning lottery ticket; Newton Leroy Gingrich. This is a man whose own party voted to remove him from the speakership for being too corrupt, even for congress. This is a man who, at the age of 16 was fucking his teacher whom he later married, and subsequently left after she was diagnosed with MS. But don’t worry about Newt, he was already fucking the woman that would become his next wife, before he left the first one. Being nothing if not consistent, he left that mistress-and-then-wife when she received a cancer diagnosis. Once again, he had the next mistress/wife lined up before he left the cancer riddled one. And since everything Newt does must be more loathsome than the thing he did before, he was probably sitting in his car (parked at the hospital), after just having served wife #2 with divorce papers, getting blown by soon to be wife #3, while on his cell phone with CNN, doing an interview about what a dirtbag Bill Clinton was for cheating on his wife. But Newt’s long history of douchebaggery isn’t where Obama got lucky.

Obama’s luck stems from the fact that Newt is going to do to his (Obama’s) eventual opponent, what Obama won’t; tear him from limb to limb. Over the course of the next nine days, before Newt is forced to realize that he’s done running for president, he’s going to make Mitt release his tax returns. Not just this years tax returns, but several years tax returns. He’s going to force Mitt to go on the defense, which is something that Mitt sucks at.

Every time Mitt opens his mouth, he looks like more and more of a self entitled fat cat, who has no fucking idea how 99% of Americans live. Seriously Mittens, fire your health insurance provider? Where the fuck do you live? Because where I live, you get the insurance plan that your company provides you with(assuming you’re lucky enough to have a job). And if that plan sucks, you’re lucky if there’s one provider in your area that takes single subscribers. Firing your company sponsored health insurance plan will cost you hundreds of dollars a month, if you never seek out health care. What a fucking asshat, seriously. Newt is going to force Mitt to confirm that he has millions of dollars parked in the Cayman Islands, not because he’s sheltering it from taxes of course, but because the money prefers a tropical climate. Massachusetts is just too frigid a climate for the money. In order to keep the money happy, Mitt needs to keep the money warm and nicely tanned so that it’s in a good mood when it pays all of the taxes it owes the United States.

Newt is going to force Mitt to say stupid, implausible shit like that so that when he does become the nominee (and he will), Obama’s PACs need only run clips of Mitt speaking. I don’t believe that Obama is capable of damaging Mitt the way Newt is. During the 2008 campaign, we all collectively believed that Obama rope-a-doped Hillary. We were wrong. She rope-a-doped herself. In watching Obama govern for three years now, it’s obvious that he’s not a fighter. He’s quiet and subdued right up until the moment when he acquiesces to his opponent.

Yes, Obama got unfuckingbelievably lucky again. He can keep sucking at his job without fear of getting fired from it.

Vice President Rand Paul?

January 18, 2012 by Bitchy

No, I’m not crazy.Okay, maybe I’m slightly crazy but let me make my case. I haven’t commented on the republican primaries because I haven’t found them to be all that interesting. Romney is going to be the nominee. Romney was always going to be the nominee. None of the drama that ensues along the way, was every going to be memorable in a long lasting way.

The primaries weren’t interesting to me until now. They got interesting when Newt reverted back to the Newt we all know and loathe. But that alone didn’t do it. The emergence of the old, loathsome Newt combined with an infusion of $5 million dollars (to help him amplify his hatefulness) is what has peaked my interest. Newt is determined to implement a scorched earth campaign on Romney. He’s going to leave Mitt as bloody and bruised as his funds will allow.

Here’s why that’s interesting; republican primaries are not set up as “winner take all” elections. So if a candidate wins the primary in a state with 39% of the vote, they don’t get all of the delegates for that state. They get a percentage of delegates that is roughly proportionate to the percentage they won the state by. If Mitt Romney keeps “winning” each state by getting less than 50% of the votes, he won’t have 51% of the delegates and will not be the nominee. He would have to go to one of the other candidates that have the percentage of delegates that he needs to broker some kind of deal with them, in exchange for giving him their delegates.

We can safely assume that Santorum, Perry, and Huntsman will be out after South Carolina. I have a feeling that Paul is staying in until the end, which makes Gingrich the determining factor in Romney’s fate. If Gingrich can hang in until super Tuesday, he sets up Ron Paul as the “king maker” that Romney will have to deal with to get the delegates he needs to be the nominee. That’s a big “if”. Right now, Gingrich’s campaign is being fueled by one single donor that, thanks to citizen’s united, stuffed his PAC with $5 million dollars. $5 million goes a long way in South Carolina because it’s such a small media market with relatively cheap air time. If he can’t get more money, he won’t make it beyond South Carolina. But if Gingrich makes it to super Tuesday, he will be siphoning those votes away from Romney. If Paul can keep getting 20% – 25%, that puts Romney at less that 50% in a lot of primaries.

Gingrich won’t make it all the way to the end for a couple of reasons. First off, his vitriol and arrogance will most definitely gaffe him out of the race. Secondly, he’s going to need several fairy Godmothers to “PAC” him $500 million dollars. Before citizen’s united, that would have been impossible. As it stands now, he has a small chance. He’s also got the party elders gunning for him, so he won’t be raising any funds through traditional means. Karl Rove seems to be on a war path against Gingrich.

So if all of that happens (I’m not saying it’s likely, but this is fun!), then Ron Paul ends up with the delegates that Romney needs. These deals are obviously usually centered around getting the Vice Presidential slot. I don’t believe that Ron Paul has the slightest interest in being the VP on the ticket. Plus, he’s older than god. I don’t think that reminiscing about his play dates with Jesus are going to play well with voters.

No, he’s going to deal for his miscreant son that no one likes. Hence, my theory that Vice President Rand Paul may be an ugly, ugly reality we may face just as we’re feeling safe that the republican car has passed us by.